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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {